Easter Newsletter Edition – 1st April 2026

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In this edition

Lost Cousins: New Beginnings

Histories: Peter Calver

Histories: Sian Lloyd

FindMyPast EASTER SALE – 42% off “12 month Everything” until 13th April (UK only)

Society of Genealogists launches its new Learning Hub

What Next for Lost Cousins?

Sian’s Tips

Lost Cousins: New Beginnings

This is the first newsletter since Peter died in mid-January. Heartfelt thanks for the huge number of condolence messages, and to those who chose not to message me but miss him just the same. Peter was always passionate about his contribution to the word of family history – but he’d have been humbled and blown away by so many kind thoughts.

I also wish to thank the helpers who have reminded me how to perform tasks that I only practiced once under Peter’s watchful eye just before the illness overwhelmed him. It may take until the rest of the year to have all the usual pieces working fully once more, so please bear with me. And then there is the bigger question of “how will we manage without Peter among us?”

The simple truth is that spending over thirty years with Peter has left its mark in many helpful ways. Over the weeks since Peter’s death, I have ranted about the things that I’m left to deal with which he would have managed so much better. But once the emotions have had their say, a calmer state of mind asks Peter “Now, how would you deal with this? What’s the main objective? Where and how would you begin?” And this is how the people we have loved and lost can still flourish within us. Peter will live on through the values and traits that I valued highly enough to take on board, so to speak. His way of solving problems can also become mine. And for me, that’s also about embracing his ability to question “certainties”. As the economist JM Keynes is reputed to have put it, “When the facts change, I change my mind- what do you do, sir?” One of the very many things that I have learned from Peter is to periodically revisit “certainties” when new and hopefully better information has become available- even if it reveals ambiguities or surprises that we’d prefer to overlook. Another way of putting it is that we are never “done” with the family tree because there’s always more, even when we think we know it all…

Histories: Peter Calver

Family and close friends held a memorial service for Peter in Great Dunmow, not far from Stansted where Lost Cousins is based; all donations went to the local hospice that supported his final weeks at home. He had asked me to organise an event where his family and oldest friends could meet to celebrate his life in a pleasant venue with good food and wine. I won’t repeat the eulogy but thought that some of you might like to know a bit more about Peter’s background.

Born on 1st October 1950 to Lilian (nee Wells) and Dennis Calver, Peter was the eldest of three siblings. His father became a Fleet Street typesetter and proofreader who also edited the local Baptist Church magazine among many church-related activities. The family initially lived in Seven Kings but moved to nearby Goodmayes – now within Greater London, but back then they were on the western fringe of Essex. The Calvers were Baptists and much of Peter’s leisure time was spent in the Boys’ Brigade where he formed strong, lifelong friendships.

Gifted in maths and English, Peter won a local authority scholarship to Brentwood School, a boarding school in Essex. He spent a year in Prep before joining the Senior School as a Day Boy, commuting there by train six days a week. Peter excelled in maths and physics and later studied Business and Accounting at the University of Southampton, where he spent far more time playing competition bridge than studying! He joined the Orion Bank in the City of London as an investment analyst on the Monday morning after sitting his finals, keen to crack on with his career.

However, the 1970s was a difficult decade for many companies and after a few job moves Peter decided to launch his own business developing and selling business software, just as computing was taking hold in offices all over the western world thanks to the affordability of PCs. Then, as Microsoft began to dominate the business software industry, Peter switched focus to developing and publishing console computer games, using celebrity endorsements to make his soccer, cricket and rugby games bestselling household names. His business was very profitable and Peter became a celebrity in his own right. However, as the PC games market began to dominate console games, Peter later decided to sell his business to a major competitor – guaranteeing his staff good career prospects while freeing himself up for something different.

I will skip the boring bit about how Peter and I first met in January 1994, before he decided to exit the computer games industry. The more interesting bit came in December 1994, when Peter – always fond of going to auctions- bought several boxes of early Victorian correspondence which had been sold on behalf of Bomi Bulsara, the father of Freddie Mercury and a keen philatelist. I clearly remember waiting in the cold for Peter, dressed to the nines for a Christmas dinner-dance in the West End; he emerged from a black cab in full black tie – and then proceeded to load me up with big cardboard boxes to carry into the hotel.

The early stamps (where present) were of little value, but Peter was more intrigued by the lifetime of personal correspondence collected by the wife of a Member of Parliament, mainly in the form of letters and notes. We spent much of that Christmas sprawled on the floor in front of the open fire, reading tiny handwriting (often in crosshatch in two different inks) from her family and friends – including her old governess who had the improbable name of Miss Halfpenny. This led to a trip to the Doncaster archives where we were able to read her husband’s diaries, which paralleled the letters and filled in some important gaps. Eventually it was all set aside, but I like to think that the intimate and supportive relationship between this woman and her husband strongly influenced the tone of our own relationship.

Peter went on to complete an MBA in record time with the Open University while pondering fresh business opportunities. He was also starting to research his own family tree, but this proved far more difficult and more time consuming than accessing the records of a prominent MP’s family in South Yorkshire. This was also the era of Friends Reunited and Genes Reunited, where he discovered that although many people shared his surname, common ancestors were few and far between. And this was when two of Peter’s “red button” traits – frustration and impatience- propelled him into action. Peter realised that most of the valuable information available to family historians was still on microfiche, in paper registers or in graveyards, but to him this was the stuff of searchable computer databases.

Back in 2003 (let’s skip past our wedding that year on Valentines Day…) there were only a handful of freely available digitised censuses. Aided by the generous permission of the publishers, Peter developed a search algorithm to use with the 1881 census database which became the beating heart of Lost Cousins, enabling any two people who didn’t know each other to connect if they entered the exact same census information about one or more of their ancestors. The easiest thing that a computer can do is work out whether there is a match or not…. The difference with Lost Cousins is that relying on the 1881 census makes it a more serious effort geared to genealogists. The rest, as they say, is history – Peter’s fertile mind had discovered the perfect “next thing” for himself, and he subsequently became a passionate learner and supporter of all things genealogical. This later included Peter’s DNA masterclasses and presentations, where despite being a long-term member of the Royal Statistical Society he tried very hard not to introduce too many statistics!

Histories: Sian Lloyd

Nine years after Peter’s entry into the world, I became the youngest of three siblings born to Welsh parents who began their married life in a requisitioned flat in Sussex Gardens, having met and married in Bayswater after the end of WW2. By the time I came along the family had moved to Hainault, a postwar Council estate only a few miles from where Peter grew up. My father was a firefighter, like many others who had served in the Royal Navy during WW2. Although it was considered “rough”, my memories of Hainault are of pink cherry-tree lined streets where the neighbours knew each other and kept an eye on the kids, the disabled and elderly folk- but the local school was a place of minimal learning and too many bruises. I learned to read, sew and help Dad with the decorating and gardening - and avoided school.

Ilford County High Girls grammar school came as a shock; we were encouraged to regard ourselves as modern young women capable of achieving anything if we studied hard and were determined enough. I worked very hard and was planning on university, but my mother’s health was poor, and my older brothers had already left home. At 17 I left school to join the local DHSS office but became too impatient with the inner workings of the Civil Service to make a career of it. On being offered two positions in City banks and despite my loathing of maths, I entered the world of investment banking. The lack of a university degree blocked any ambition to become an investment manager; however, the “back office” areas were ripe for overhaul at a time when the volume and complexity of business in London was rapidly rising. My appetite for progress, coupled with gaining professional qualifications through home study, led to a series of senior operational and compliance roles within British, Japanese and American banks.

I completed my MBA a year after Peter gained his; the coursework had brought out an interest in psychology, and I subsequently qualified and gained my registration as a psychotherapist. It would never have been feasible to manage the long working hours, three hours of commuting and studying without Peter’s hot meals and calm rationality and encouragement on the days when everything threatened to implode. I then chose to practice psychotherapy part time while working as a part time senior adviser – effectively an internal consultant- to a City of London based organisation which develops and manages professional examinations for people seeking careers in financial services. After eleven years I was ready to retire from that role while continuing to work as a psychotherapist through the Covid years to October 2024. By then I only wanted to be with Peter; he continued to run Lost Cousins while I turned my attention to renovating our old house and working in the garden. Exactly a year after this decision, Peter was unexpectedly and tragically diagnosed with cancer – and now here I am working on Lost Cousins!

About ten years ago I decided to study a master’s degree in (Carl) Jung and Jungian studies “just because”. One of my better essays was about the therapeutic benefit of engaging in family history research. My tutor was intrigued by the topic but concerned that I had included almost no references to other academic work. That was because no-one of note had conducted similar research, yet I could see several parallels – such as the shock of discovering unpalatable truths that change our self-perception. Just as therapy is rarely a bed of roses, family history research can also produce the odd unwelcome surprise!

But if we are searching for truths about our ancestors, then we are surely attempting to recover some of our own missing truths, to better understand how we got here, why we are the way we are – and to shed light on family relationships and behaviours that might seem inexplicable until we gain more complete information and thus insight. As I remember putting it, “Not that many people go to see a counsellor or psychotherapist – there are many other ways to heal or get closer to who we think we are. But why else would genealogy have become such a popular and enduring pastime for millions of people, especially when it’s much harder work than fishing or line dancing? There is something else about it which is deeply personal and compelling.” And perhaps this is why the construction of the family tree –the “genealogy” – can then easily pull us into the richer depths of social and family history.

FindMyPast EASTER SALE – 42% off “12 month Everything” until 13th April (UK only)

FindMyPast are running an Easter Sale on their UK site, with up to 30% off their 12 Month Everything sub, normally priced at £169.99, and 20% off their 1 Month & 3 Month Everything subs. However, for LostCousins members there is a 42% discount on the 12 Month Everything bringing the price down to £98.59 with the code LC40. While there are no parallel discounts on the non-UK FMP sites, anyone subscribing to the UK site can take advantage of this very generous offer, which will run until midnight on 13^th April (GMT).

Click here to subscribe – the LC40 code for the 42% discount should be applied automatically:

https://www.findmypast.co.uk/subscribe?promocode=lc40

Society of Genealogists launches its new Learning Hub

The Society of Genealogists has recently refreshed its website, which now features a new 'Learning Hub'

[ https://sog.org.uk/learn/learning-hub/] with your genealogy journey at its heart. Over 500 talk recordings, guides, eBooks and stories are now in one place, so it’s easy to search for what interests you.

The Learning Hub features lots of free content as well as member-only talks. Visit today and you can:

• Discover ‘new’ ancestors by learning about specialist or place-specific record collections to search. For example, filter using the categories on SoG Treasures and Collections or Geographical Focus

• Find elusive ancestors and solve brick walls by honing your research skills. Free content includes 'Following the Money: an introduction to financial records for family historians.

• Get to know your ancestors better. What were their lives really like? For example, the free

recording 'Country Bumpkins at the SoG & Elsewhere.'

• And so much more...from brushing up your tech skills, to simply curling up on the sofa

with a hot drink and a fascinating family history story to read, there is something for genealogists at all stages of their journey.

Want to unlock everything in the hub? Gold Members get unlimited access to the Learning Hub and a host of other exclusive benefits. Gold membership starts at just £15 a month, and you can cancel at any time.

Click here to find out more about giving it a try: https://sog.org.uk/membership/become-a-member/

Or click here for a guide on using the Learning Hub: https://sog.org.uk/guides-and-stories/society-of-genealogists-membership-how-to-guide/

What Next for Lost Cousins?

Knowing that his days were numbered, Peter insisted that “Lost Cousins is yours now, Sian; it will take time but see if you can make it even better!”

It is still hard to imagine Lost Cousins without the Peter whom we have now lost. That stage of “it will take time” will continue beyond reinstating the newsletters, the competition and prizes, the masterclasses, book reviews and the special offers. Each of the big and small recoveries will happen although I cannot promise that everything will be exactly how it was in 2025. Running Lost Cousins also means understanding how things work behind the scenes – such as IT, financial accounting, legal aspects, suppliers and of course getting to know the members better. There are others helping to make things happen behind the scenes, and those whom I would describe as Peter’s Collaborators – mainly experts, academics and authors (yes, you all know who you are….) and I extend my gratitude and hope to develop stronger relationships with each of them.

Perhaps even more collaboration might be a good thing, because there has been a steady surge in academic, professional and amateur interest in genealogy since Lost Cousins began. Our membership is still growing worldwide, family history is an extremely popular pastime in many countries, there are many more courses and career pathways- and most importantly everyone has at least one good story to tell. We might do more to encourage members to write, share and assist others- if that is what our members want. However – Peter’s belief in diligent, evidence-based research is the golden thread that will keep Lost Cousins true to itself. Every newsletter that Peter produced was proofed by me, so the “sniff test” won’t be a lot different to what it has been in the past. Our aim was never to change what someone had written, but it is important that an author “shows their workings” because how a breakthrough was reached for one member might help a dozen more. As a merry band of researchers, our members will always seek to borrow ideas from others to help navigate their own genealogical jungles and brick walls with greater ease.

So do consider contacting me if you would like to submit an article for publication- whether as a Collaborator, or as a member with an interesting tale to tell. And I am fully open to ideas about how to take things forward, as and when time permits.

Sian’s Tips

YouTube How To’s

I am gradually getting used to making more things happen by myself around the house, on the basis that if I don’t try it won’t get done at all. And the biggest practical source of help has come from watching YouTube videos. On Saturday morning I removed a bust, heavy and bulky recliner PVC sofa from a downstairs room on my own after watching videos of how the experts do it. I replaced it with a lighter sofa that I can move and clean under – which our cheeky young calico cat Rosie instantly claimed as her own!

My point is that there is a wealth of information on YouTube which demonstrates how to fix, dismantle or adjust almost anything which might seem baffling or only within the competence of qualified professionals. I draw the line at anything to do with electrics, gas or other dangerous stuff – but when I couldn’t get Peter’s battery lawnmower to cut the grass, a friendly expert on YouTube showed me how to press the buttons in the correct order – whereas the manual (also free online) blinded me with numbered diagrams without listing the steps. Mindful that most manufacturers post helpful “how to” information on YouTube, I turn to it very quickly these days. Being able to magnify, replay or freeze vital moments on-screen is the magic that makes the seemingly impossible possible.

“Executor Stress”

Possibly more rant than tip… Having to deal with the number of accounts, apps and memberships that Peter opened very easily during his lifetime, I have found the process of transferring or closing them down worthy of a lengthy “bouquets and brickbats” article (don’t fret, I won’t inflict that on you!). But the fact is that many organisations expect such online proficiency by a bereaved individual who may also be older/ disabled/ less IT literate, that performing the role of Executor could prove extremely challenging for them. While I have the skills and (sometimes) enough patience to navigate secure email webpages, follow online instructions, navigate AI call handling, wait on hold for ages to speak to customer service agents, and scan documents to upload and send them electronically, this has still been a weighty and protracted challenge. I cannot imagine the confusion and distress that others might experience at such a sensitive time. In some cases, online is the only way that it is possible to communicate – no phone number ANYWHERE, or computer-generated letters in the post containing no phone number or reply address. I now appreciate that solicitors acting as Executors might have to work quite hard for their fees!

The other interesting discovery I wanted to highlight is that each UK financial institution has its own threshold for releasing funds without probate; this can range anywhere between around £5,000 to £50,000 because the threshold is not set by law. It might be worth double checking the probate thresholds that apply to your cash and savings accounts if it is important to leave some funds more readily accessible to a surviving partner or children, for example to cover upfront or unforeseen expenses.

And finally….

I’m sure that in the months ahead, the newsletters will return to a more familiar format and be more centred on genealogy. But I did feel it important to say a bit more about Peter, and provide some background about myself, just to lend comfort that the transition won’t undermine everything that was special about his newsletters. My intention is to honour his legacy and take it forward so that family historians will still turn to Lost Cousins for its uniqueness among many other resources out there.

Thank you for your patience, and for reading this newsletter.

I wish everyone a very Happy Easter – a time of rebirth, brighter days and chocolate eggs.

Sian Lloyd

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